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Mãe, cadê meu lanche? Aaaaaaaaargh!

13/09/2011

Eu tento não ser o fatalista que lembra a todos da iminente destruição humana, mas a humanidade não anda ajudando muito, né? Mas ninguém pode dizer que sou um sensacionalista, ou que fico aterrorizando todos à toa. Não, busco sempre informar e instruir. E, quando o Apocalipse estiver mais próximo, venderei um ou outro kit salva-vidas, livro de auto-ajuda ou qualquer outra falcatrua que me vier à cabeça. Mas por enquanto recomendo esse livro:

Not your mommy anymore livro zumbis ThinkGeek

Pensemos no futuro, nos nossos descendentes. Queremos realmente que, caso tenhamos filhos, sobrinhos ou algo do tipo, eles não estejam preparados para lidar com o mundo? Eu digo que não, prevenir é sempre melhor do que remediar. E,naturalmente, double tap.

O livro está à venda na ThinkGeek.

not your mommy anymore livro zumbis ThinkGeek

Via Laughing Squid.

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3 Comentários leave one →
  1. 13/09/2011 10:41

    Muito bom, o problema é se a criança confundir a vovó creepy com um zumbi e resolver brindar a velha com uma machadada na cabeça.

  2. Andre de Lemos permalink
    13/09/2011 16:15

    Para variar, o Body Count pensou nisso antes. Bom, não é exatamente a mesma coisa, mas certos tipos de “zumbis” são, nevertheless, zumbis, não é mesmo?

    “Momma’s gotta die tonight”

    No, no, no, Mommaaaaa…

    All my life I loved this girl so much,
    all my life I loved her simple touch.
    She cared for me and put me on this earth,
    oh the pain of just a simple birth.
    But now I find that she has left me dumb and blind,
    poisoned, twisted, and destroyed my mind.
    She taught me things that simply were not true
    she taught me hate for race
    that’s why I hate you!
    There’s only one way I can make it right,
    momma’s gotta die tonight.
    There’s only one way I can make it right,
    momma’s gotta die tonight.

    Momma, momma, I always loved my momma,
    I always loved my momma.
    I loved the say she hold me,
    I love the way she talked to me.
    She used to teach me a lot of things,
    she taught me good things, she taught me bad things.
    “Don’t trust white people, don’t trust white people.
    Don’t trust white people, they’re no good, they’re no good,
    they’re no good, they’re no good.
    They’re just gonna rip you off, they’re just gonna rip you off.
    Don’t trust ‘em, don’t trust ‘em.”
    I said, “Why momma?”, she said, “I told you don’t
    trust ‘em they’re no good.”
    I said, “Momma, I thought we were all the same momma,
    why momma?” She said, “Don’t ask me any questions.
    Don’t you challenge your mutha.” Momma.

    So one day I found I fell in love
    and I brought my girlfriend home
    and I introduced her to my mutha and
    she smacked me, was a white girl and
    I said, “Why momma? Why momma? What did I do wrong?”
    You know, I found out my mutha was a evil woman.
    She hated Puerto Ricans, Mexicans, Jamaicans,
    Indians, Orientals, momma was no good.
    I learned to hate my mutha, hate my mutha.
    So I got some, ha ha, some lighter fluid, from the corner store
    and I put it around her bed, and I set her on fire!
    Ha, ha, ha.
    Burn momma, burn momma, burn momma, burn bitch
    burn, burn, burrrrrn. Ha, ha, ha. Burn you racist bitch!
    Ha, ha, ha.
    But she wasn’t quite dead. She jumped up from the bed
    and I grabbed my Louisville Slugger that she had bought
    me for my twelfth birthday and I came up behind her and
    I hit her, I hit her, I hit her twice. Ha, ha, ha.
    Now she was out.
    I went into the kitchen
    and I got that handy carving knife
    that we only use on special occasions like
    bullshit Thanksgiving, and I took her and I laid her ol’
    fucked up corpse on the floor and I cut her in
    little bitty pieces. Cut off her arms, her feet,
    her neck, and I put her into little green hefty bags
    and I put it into my car and I said, “Momma, we’re goin’ on
    a vacation, a permanent vacation bitch.”
    I took some of her around the world to Arizona, New York,
    Chicago, Atlanta, Miami, Oakland. Ha, ha, ha, yo, you
    wanna go to Connecticut, bitch. Ohio, Detroit, Texas, L.A.
    Whose laughin’ now momma, whose laughin’ now bitch,
    whose laughin’ now.
    Ha, ha, ha, ha.

    So if you got a mutha or a grandmutha or a father
    who wants to carry on the same racist bullshit that’s
    fucked this world up from day one,
    you can either look ‘em in the face and tell ‘em to
    suck your dick or do like Body Count does.

    All my life I loved this girl so much,
    all my life I loved her simple touch.
    She cared for me and put me on this earth
    oh the pain of just a simple birth.
    Right now I find that she has left me dumb and blind
    poisoned, twisted, and destroyed my mind.
    She taught me things that simply were not true
    she taught me hate for race
    that’s why I hate you!
    There’s only one way I can make it right,
    momma’s gotta die tonight.
    There’s only one way I can make it right,
    momma’s gotta die tonight.

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